Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
