The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Boobs speak an international language.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
