So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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