If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
