You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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