So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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