Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
