I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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