she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
