"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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