i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
