also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
