Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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