i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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