Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
