We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
