we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
