The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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