Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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