i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
