i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
