Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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