You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
