I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
