Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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