thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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