I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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