Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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