i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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