New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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