I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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