Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
