HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
