when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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