i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
