Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
