at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
