Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize