OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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