maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
