I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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