But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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