she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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