Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
