last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
