2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
