sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
