I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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