The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
