You're completely useless in the revolution.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
