Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
