You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
