If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
