these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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