I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
