i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
