We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
