evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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