flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
