I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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