The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
