careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
