Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
