i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
