Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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