She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize