im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
