Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
