I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
