he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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