Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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