Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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