did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
