So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
