i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
