Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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