So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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