Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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