Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
