i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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